Phantom Limb: The iPhone

From time to time, I have to stop and take stock. Sometimes I'll write about something that prompts me to revisit it and wonder: should I rehash this? Have I said everything I could about a particular topic? Can I say more? Am I being redundant? Sometimes the answer to all these questions is an emphatic yes. Sometimes, it's a definitive no. Today, I think I'd like to rehash a topic that still haunts me every time I pick up my blessed iPhone.

Now, I realize there is a tremendous amount of animus directed towards we Mac-lovers -- and for good reason. I know it's annoying to have to put up with out smugness and our superior attitude. But don't blame us -- blame Steve Jobs. He made us into the snobs we are. After all, we were just following orders. In fact, I get new orders, via my Cupertino-designed beauty everyday. I swear -- Apple is talking to us...in our minds.

This is probably old news to the six people following my articles around the great big Internet, but I have written about the iPhone and its 3G network in the recent past. Well, I have to say I find myself using -- other than the actual phone and the email access -- the blessed GPS driven map. I can't tell you how many times that tracking beacon has directed me to assorted Shangri-las across this fine nation of ours. Taco stands, burger joints, coffee shops -- I'd be utterly lost without this function. I know -- what a cliche. But like all good cliches, there is truth behind it.

As my mind -- and all my retention -- bleeds out into the ever-increasing, ever-expanding cloud, I can't help but wonder...what was I talking about? Oh, yes, my GPS tracking device -- I mean, my iPhone. Without it, I'm rudderless, a mere pawn in the chess game of the Gods. With it, I defy the Gods, I stand vigilant, ready to be directed to the nearest ATM or Hot Topic store. You can never have too many racing flame high-top Chuck Taylor sneakers, you know.

Ok, I know the tinfoil hat set would have me believe the phone could be used against me -- as if I had some worthwhile scheme or master plan to dominate the world that was worth spying on. No, if the government wants to track me, I'd be flattered -- but I'm not picking up the tab if they show up at my local Starbucks. If they do show up, I can show them my six pages of solid apps and then maybe we could go for a walk and have dinner together. Again, I'm not paying.


Snag your GPS tracking device -- I mean your iPhone -- online now. Hurry, before the government shows up and eats all your Doritos.
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